Eggs on Ice

It hasn't been without hesitation that I sit down to write a bit more about my journey in dealing with the BRCA gene. As I started to explain in a recent post, I am on to new challenges. With my double mastectomy one year in the rear view, the focus has shifted from the potential threat of breast cancer (as high as an 85% risk), to that of ovarian cancer (as high as a 70% risk). To avoid the breast cancer, I scraped out my boobs - and to avoid the ovarian cancer, they've told me they'll have to chop out my ovaries. Bit by bit, the parts that make me a woman are starting to be removed. It's sort of a huge deal when I sit and think about it, which is why I tend to watch Real Houeswives so often, because sometimes not thinking is good. And because helloooooo, the Countess actually married sleezeball Tom and Sonja is living with Frenchie, who would miss such milestones?! #moneycantbuyyouclass #whatareyoudoingherewithoutDorinda? Maybe one day I'll live out my dream of being a Bravo blogger, but for now, I digress... 

Moving right along...  It's sad to me that I'll never breastfeed my babies, due to choosing my preventative double mastectomy - and I urge all of those that are breastfeeding to appreciate the privilege that you have to bond with your babies in that way. However, I have zero doubt in the world that me and my future formula drinking babes will share just as strong a bond, and that they will grow to be just as healthy as all of those breast fed for years babies out there. So, I'm cool with it. What I was never cool with was the thought of not having the baby. The thought of this pain in my ass gene mutation taking that possibility away from me altogether was not an option. But here I am, 33 years old, unmarried and yet to bear children, and being told that around 35 we will have to "start thinking about removing my ovaries". This number definitely comes with a bit of flexibility, and I most definitely won't be making any rash decisions in undergoing that surgery, but it definitely sets some limitations. So clearly, something needed to be done. 

I've been trying to be of the mindset that I don't have to let my BRCA 1 diagnosis steer the direction of my life, rather I will use it as valuable information to ensure that I am able to live the life that I want. One with cute little babies, when and how I want them. So, a few weeks ago I began the process of freezing my eggs. It was time to put some little eggies on ice. I may not have a family history of ovarian cancer, but the risk is still there. I may not be at the point where preventative surgery is the right step, but something still needs to be done to ensure my health, sanity, and happiness. This seemed like the logical short term step to take in achieving those long term goals of a family. 

I won't sugar coat it, my experience with the egg freezing process was kind of miz, but I got through it. Basically, you go through the same process that a woman who is attempting to get pregnant through the IVF process would, except that you stop at the retrieval of the eggs, and freeze them, instead of fertilizing them. This process consisted of two injections of hormones, into my belly, each night, for two weeks. With the addition of a third shot, in the morning, around day 5, and two other shots introduced into the mix on the final days of the process (around day 13 or 14 of the two week window). I do not like needles, so this was not fun for me. It was kind of scary, and it hurt, a lot. The medicine getting injected into my stomach felt like an instant sharp torquing of my insides. In asking around, this isn't always the case, it can be much less painful - everyone reacts differently. My sweet sweet man, and in his absence my sisters, were an integral part in me successfully getting those meds in my bod. I know that I could not have done it on my own. For proof of this, please inquire and I will be happy to share the 18 minute long video that I thought I was taking of myself doing my injections to later show everyone how brave I was, but actually ended up being of me trying repeatedly to gain the courage to stick myself and failing. 18 minutes. Some real riveting footage that depicts irrational fear and hesitation at its very finest! 

With each injection came a sore belly, cramping, bloating, and intense waves of emotions. If you know me you know that I am a crier, so this sudden influx in hormones made for some teeeears. My ovaries were visibly enlarged, and felt like they were going to burst if I made any sudden movements.  I am fairly certain that I got a real good sneak peek into what pregnancy will be like with my side effects of this treatment, and I do not look forward to experiencing that on a grander scale! But I did it. I hated it, but I did it. For the babies!

After the two weeks of hormone hell, complete with vaginal ultrasounds every other day (who doesn't love a good probing?!), my doctor told me that it was time to schedule the retrieval. I headed to the fertility treatment center with my Momma, I got an IV, I laid down on the surgical table, and the anesthesia did its thang. While I was in my deep slumber they used a large needle, through my vaginal opening, and retrieved the little eggs from all of the stimulated follicles on the walls of my ovaries. Mmmhmm yep, just stuck a needle right up in there. Isn't that lovely.

All things went smooth and according to plan, and they were able to retrieve 15 (woo! I'm told this is a pretty good haul) eggs from my ovaries, to be cryogenically preserved and put on ice for the future! I was groggy and achey for the 24 hours following the procedure, with a solid week of my body readjusting back to it's pre-ovary expansion process, but now I am back to my old crying-without-a-good-excuse self again!

I am so thankful for the knowledge of my gene mutation because of the foresight that I had to be able to freeze my eggs, and to plan ahead, just in case. Just in case I get ovarian cancer, and just in case I need to have surgery before I've got the family that I've always hoped for. So for now, those babies are on ice, my ovaries are staying put, a little weight can be lifted from my shoulders, and a big huge check mark can be made on my BRCA to-do list. (Insert huge sigh of relief here). 

If you have any questions about the specifics of the process, or anything that comes along with all of this crazy BRCA stuff please comment or reach out! I'm happy to share.