1 year later.

My 1 year anniversary of chopping off my boobs, as I like to delicately put it, has come and passed. I spent it in my oncologists office discussing next steps for me, followed by dinner with the same gals that I went out with the night before my surgery a year ago. While a lot has changed, the good stuff has stayed the same. One year later and I am SO thankful that I went thru with my surgery, and a better person because of it. All that I wanted before my surgery was for someone, ideally with a medical degree, but really anyone would have been fine - to tell me what to do. Legally, I guess that's not exactly okay for your doctors to do in regards to this surgery, so it never happened. A simple wink at the right moment would have been awesome, doc. But no, it was my decision to make, and mine alone. I'm here today, a year later, to tell the BRCA girls that are struggling with the decision my most sound advice: stop waiting. Make the appointment. Schedule the surgery. Move forward. Go with your gut. If you're still thinking about it, then you should act on it. The weight that will be lifted from your anxiety ridden shoulders will be well worth the hassle of having to request time off from work, or rearrange your schedule. There is never going to be a perfect time.  DO IT, today, and thank me later. While my oncologist may not have given me that wink when I wanted it a couple years back, she did give me a huge hug this May 24th, while she quietly said to me, "I am SO happy that you went through with the surgery, I was really hoping that you'd make the right decision." So, take that for what it's worth... 

You will be scared. You will be in pain, for a while. You will feel like your chest is going to rip open when you move, for a while. You will have drainage tubes hanging out of tiny holes in your body, pumping puss and blood out of you, for about two weeks. You will be SO exhausted. You will feel ugly. You will feel self-conscious. You will cry. You will have to ask for help, all the time, just to open a door, wash your hair, and wipe your own ass. You will have to sleep on your back. You will lose all feeling in your boobs, and your armpits for a while too. You will have massive scars. You will have so many doctors appointments. You will be poked and prodded over and over again. You will, if you're having reconstruction, go through more pain when you fill up your expanders. You will have very big, like, huge, needles stuck directly in your chest every other week to fill your expanders. You will have a second surgery, and more pain. You will hate how you look, and then love how you look, and then hate it again. You will feel like a burden to your loved ones. You will spend a bunch of money on bras that don't fit right, and then end up wearing no bra at all. You will never be the same again. Mentally or physically. You will go through a version of hell.

But ---- You will never regret it. And you will never wake up in the middle of the night, sweating, with tears running down your face, worrying about getting breast cancer again. I promise, it will all be worth it. 

*Please* don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions... I will give you that wink that you're waiting for.