Thank you, thank you, thank you, you're far too kind
I'm taking a quick time-out in the story of my surgery to dedicate a post to the people that have helped me to be able to keep a positive attitude throughout my experience as a BRCA gene carrier. I've gotten a lot of feedback about my seemingly "always positive" perspective on things - and while that is a generally true statement - there have been days, or more specifically nights, that I have cried my face off over this whole thing. I have had meltdowns that I was not aware I was capable of having, and cried harder than I knew that this could make me. So I have to give credit where credit is due. The only way that I have been able to maintain my sanity, and positivity is with the support and encouragement that I've gotten from my friends and family.
Two years ago, a couple days before my 30th birthday, my doctor called with my positive test results. Since that day I have been trying desperately to make sense of what that meant, and to find a way to fall asleep without letting the worries of breast and ovarian cancer keep me up at night. I had no concept of how much this would effect me mentally. There are feelings of guilt, worry, fear, you name it... And they come and go constantly. They change from one extreme to the other, from one day to the next. I tried to keep my cool, and make sense of it all but I only really began to feel better when I opened up about things to other people. I would not be so positive on my own.
My girlfriends were relentless in their efforts to feed me red wine and show me a good time, and for that I am forever grateful. The number of nights that they've shown up and been there for me blows my mind. My sisters have endured a 24 hour a day, 7 days a week, and 365 day a year group text chain that receives minimal down time, thanks to my constant need for reassurance, advice, and attention. They are the most honest and unwaveringly supportive people I will ever have. My friends, and friends of friends, have given advice on doctors I could see, people that I could talk to, articles to read, etc. - they have genuinely gone out of their way to help me. And they have done that without me even asking. My family has been a constant support system, reminding me that no matter which decisions I make, they will always be there to support them. My point is that even from the very beginning of all of this, I have had so much help. It has meant so much to me to have people that have put themselves in my shoes, and given their honest opinion, as well as support and understanding. I could have never come to the decision to go thru with my surgery without that help.
a bye bye boobies dinner with the best gals around
Some of you may have caught wind of my aunt's "Sue Strong" hashtag that is sweeping the nation -- ok maybe not the nation, but it was kind of funny to see how many people spread that around. Thanks for the cyber support, guys. Sweet glamour shot of me sitting in the Grand Canyon.. But in all seriousness, I was so genuinely overwhelmed by all of the friends, family, and people that I haven't spoken a word to in ten years (seriously) that reached out to send me get well wishes after my surgery was done. With all of the hate, selfishness, self-righteousness, and just general lack of empathy, compassion, or understanding that has been flooding our news feeds these days, I can attest to the fact that there are still good people out there. I've realized that I am surrounded by a ton of them.
While I'm not the most religious person, I am thankful and better off because of all of the people that said they would pray for me. I am certain that the positive energy that I felt from reading cards, texts, Facebook messages, emails, and whatever other creative form people's get well wishes may have come in, helped me heal. The flowers that filled up the room made laying on the couch for hours on end much more bearable. I got care packages that had some of the most thoughtfully picked out items - from armpit pillows (life saving), to Entenmann's pound cake - that made me feel so thankful to have the people that were on the other end of them. I was so happy for the visitors that stopped by but understood that I couldn't stay awake for more than 30 minutes at a time, and the ones that came every day and pushed me to get out of sweatpants and brush my hair. I am a big believer in the power of positive thinking, and genuinely appreciate all of the good vibes that were sent my way, in whatever form they may have been. Special shout out to an uncle who will remain nameless that sent them in the form of the special flower delivery, did wonders for the pain ;)
So yea, I'm a fairly positive, "glass half full", kind of person - but this stuff would have been too much without the extra dose of positivity that people generously shared with me. I wanted to make sure that it didn't go without mentioning just how impactful we are on one another - and how you have all been on me. When you are kind to someone else, it really can change their day. Our circumstances are what we make of them, but to have good people around you to help make them a little more bearable is a serious advantage. It is not lost on me how lucky I am. Thank you for keeping me smiling, even when I was incapable of wiping my own ass.
